even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
