You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
