Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
