You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
