the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
