1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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