You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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