When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
