Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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