I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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