And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
