I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
