you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
