This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
