nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
