Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
