I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
