Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
