Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
