go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
