I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
