i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
