"it" just moved
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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