My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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