i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
