Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
