it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think your dad took our porno
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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