He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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