My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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