so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
