im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
