you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I will pee on everything he values.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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