Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
