I hate your face
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
