it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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