oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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