I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
