who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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