She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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