I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
