oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
