In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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