just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
