I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
