I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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