If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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