I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
