i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They have beer where we have blood.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
