Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have fence marks all over my body
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
