Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
