I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
