ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
