butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
