Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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