oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
