We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize