My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
