I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What a dumb baby whore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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