This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
