i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
