Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
