Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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