the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this boner is exhausting
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
