to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
