I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
