goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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