I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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