someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
