to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
