i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
