I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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