it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
