woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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